Saturday, October 8, 2011

Still wandering

Well, I can see I've lost most of my readers and I can't say as I blame them. Not much happening here. I have been farily well wrapped up in getting through each day lately. I think the storm at the end of August was pretty much the straw on the camel's back. It snapped, as did I.
 Anything doing with the Fire and EMS service became a chore, rather than the calling it was prior to the big storm. Call it sensory and emotional overload, if you are looking for a diagnosis.
 I talked it through with the Lonely EMT last time we met, and now I'm just trying to work it out in my head.
 The last month I have buried my brain in music to try and get away. As mentioned in an earlier post, I took my sister up to Levon Helms place for a ramble and we had one of those life long experiences. Levon, Larry Campbell, and Amy Helm along with the rest of the band were just outstanding. I needed that more than I realized and will treasure it for a very long time. Folks come from all over for the Ramble, there was a couple from England on line in front of us, and others from down south and up north. The funny thing for me was with all these people traveling hundreds or thousands of miles to be in this small group of a hundred folks, I ran into a lot of old friends like the Undersherriff, the father of one of my Scouts from years ago, and a neighbor or two. My sister knew a lot of of folks there, including Amy Helm, who was a student in my Sister's school when she was teaching. Amy (Levon's daughter) is around 30ish now. So for me, it was the neighborhood party that Levon had envisioned. We were, in fact, in the studio that is part of his home, and it felt really good. The music that night was just 'cooking' in spite of the cold Levon was fighting off. He didn't sing much, but it didn't hold back on how much fun we had. OH, I will carry that for a very long time.
 But I've been off doing the graveyard shift at the paying job this week which is like being sent to Siberia. You don't have any contact with the day to day operations. Actually it's kind of nice. I had a good crew that worked on their own and I didn't have much to do. I even brought my banjo in one night to get in some practice time during the meal break. The hours did kick my ass with trying to adjust sleep and meals, but the week is over now and next week I'll be back to normal(?) hours. It gave me a break from the Department also, which was welcome. Any spare time I had was buried in practicing my banjo which I also needed.
 Today, when I got up around 1400 I was greeted by some emails with all the registration stuff for my complimentary admission to FDIC in 2012. I had been putting the Fire Service so far out of my head that I forgot Bobby Halton had given me this several months ago.
 I'm sitting on the fence as to whether I can come up with the money to pay for the trip, and frankly if it is even something I want to put the time into. I now realize how burned up I am. A year ago, hell even 4 months ago, I was fired up about FDIC. Now that I have a ticket in my hand I am having a hard time getting up the enthusiasm to even make arrangements.
 I have a lot more thinking to do.

1 comment:

  1. Brother, hang in there. I haven't stopped reading. I'm not going anywhere. Keep plugging along; breath in, breath out, repeat. You'll be OK. There is no shame in taking a break, especially when you look at all of the balancing we do as vollies. As for FDIC: YOU GO! Look at it as a reward for all the years you gave so much; for the long nights; for the heartache and worry. Who knows, maybe it will be the spark you need... You need anything... we are here!